One time someone asked me how I maintained and manifested a healthy relationship. It takes work. It takes the effort & willingness to grow together. It takes sticking to your boundaries & making your needs undebatable. It takes knowing your worth. It takes compassion & compromise.
And its so worth it. You are able to experience feeling safety in your vulnerability, the dependability, the cultivated trust, & the adventures. But my favorite part is the deep talks about philosophy, your passions & life. How you can go on and on about what you love & they are just as mesmerized/interested. They make you into the best version of yourself, & nurture your shared values…
But it is also hard. It will put all your traumas to the forefront and make you confront them. You will take notice of your own shortcomings and the ways you were domesticated and demeaned in your childhood. You may notice you've become, to yourself or others, the childhood bully that put you down. You may notice that the voice inside your head is your childhood abuser, not you. But once you realize that the way you are domesticated is not your authentic self, or representative of your soul- you are free. You do your DBT and your talk therapy. You do your journaling and take your medication. You do whatever it takes to heal. You do whatever it takes to not treat others how you have been treated. Through that metamorphosis you find who you are. You come back to yourself & heal your inner child instead of triggering them.
Before we meet our soulmate, we attract people that repeat our childhood trauma. Those are not our soulmates but our karmic ties. And until we realize those people exist in our lives to make us relieve our childhood trauma again and again, we will go through the same cycles over and over.
When you finally cultivate the strength, self-love and determination to escape- not only do you abandon those people, but they abandon you. Energy vampires can't feed off of high vibrational people. They will try to tear them down- but when they realize they cant anymore, they will run to a next willing victim. They have no interest in being around people that they can't use and abuse.
When you know your worth, you won't stand for those that belittle it. At first you begin by exiling the most toxic parasite from your inner circle. And then little by little, people drop out from your life one by one. Many times, you are left alone. You will realize that at the height of your self-annihilation and self-hatred, you surrounded yourself by users. People that belittled you, betrayed you, took from you, and didn't see you for your authentic self. You will look around and see that those people were killing themselves, and they were taking you down along with them. They had no handle on their potential and no intention to change. They didn't value or respect you, so there was no way you could value or respect yourself around them. Negative and malevolent energy has the power to overtake any emotional barrier.
Once those people have left your life, the true souls you belong with remain. True friends.
It takes a bit to rebuild your life. You can almost not even call it that. You are building your life. Before, you did not have a foundation. You were floating from one user to another thinking that they could save you from yourself. When you finally make the conscious decision to choose you, to save yourself, you honor that time alone, you begin to dive deep into your self and do the work that needed to be done all along. You come out of the void with battle scars soul deep. You come out with PTSD, mental illness, and physical debilitations. But you learn to live with the new you, because you are a survivor that never had a chance in unhealthy environments. Once you are intentionally removed from those environments, you are not only building your life, but the world around you. You choose the friends you create and the friends you allow to stick around. You choose a partner, and run at those that approach you littered with red flags. You choose to either invest in your outlets or doom-scroll your sorrow away. You imagine your future and move towards it accordingly.
Until you reach this evolution and begin to live intentionally, you won't attract a healthy relationship. Until you let go of toxicity at any cost, you will never build the life or love you want for yourself. The right love will even help you build this life for yourself. There's nothing wrong with a little help, but remember that someone else can't save you. It is all in your own hands. That is an intimidating thing, yet a beautiful truth.
-Harley Claes
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